Back in the fall of 2023, My daughter and I had Covid for the first time. While I wouldn't say it was a severe case for me, it was certainly unpleasant and I tested positive for over 2 weeks. One of the things I remember most (aside from losing my sense of smell and feeling like I had weights attached to my body) was looking at the pedometer on my phone and laughing when I saw the patterns of my daily steps. I saw that the day prior to getting sick I had just over 8,000 steps (which is what I strive for most days). On day 1 of symptoms, my steps fell to just over 2,000 and on day 3, my steps were down to 42. 42 steps!!! While I laughed at this, there was also a little part of me that felt shame, a little voice inside my head whispering "that's not good enough" and "you lost your momentum." Even vividly remembering how bad I felt, I was still feeling shame for not being active enough. I'm sure this is some sort of conditioning that I don't even fully understand-let's just say I'm a work in progress.
Slowing Down-It's not a race!
In the first few days of testing negative, I started going for walks again. It was way harder than I expected. I could barely make it a block without feeling a little winded. But I just kept adding on a few more steps every day. About a week out, I decided to go further and what I noticed is that I have a major tendency to push myself too far. I was not only going further than I was ready for, but I was also speed walking and losing my breath and having chest tightness. Now, I'm all for challenging myself. I think it's important to do so for the health of our bodies and our minds, but what I REALLY believe in is listening to our bodies. They know what we need and if you pay attention, they will guide you in the right direction. On that walk, I had to watch myself-to remind myself over and over again that it's ok to slow down. I had to make a concerted effort to slow my feet down, look around and enjoy myself instead of just pushing forward to meet my end goal. I saw in myself this drive to always move on to the next thing without allowing myself (body, mind or spirit) to catch up first.
What would Chinese medicine say about this?
One of the things that I most appreciate about Chinese medicine is the understanding that there's a season for everything and that just like the seasons of nature, we aren't always meant to be in our most yang or active state. There are seasons for forward motion and growth, but there are also seasons for rest, tranquility, reflection and joy. There is always an emphasis on balance of yin (rest, stillness, peace, reflection) and yang (motion, activity, growth). In other words, there is a time to move fast, meet goals, get sh*t done and there are times when we should just stop and reassess, take in the world around us and be okay with slowing down. This is a lesson I need to apply to quite a few areas of my life and I'd bet others might feel the same way.
Moving Forward but finding Balance
Once I came to this realization about myself, I made an effort to find balance-to move most days (because I still believe moving our bodies often is important) but to listen to my body and let it guide me to the type of movement that I choose for that day. It's definitely a practice in the sense that I still have to remind myself not to overdo it (with movement and with life in general) but I'm really trying to pay attention more. My general rule is that if I'm feeling energized, I'll do some strength training, pilates or go for a long hike. If my body or mind is overly tired, then I might do some gentle yoga or go for a slower walk. There are also days that I just choose full on rest and that's ok because just like the beautiful medicine that I practice, it's all about balance.
